Hi-Grow ka height Increaser

I presume that all of you reading this post haven't ever heard of this product called 'Hi-Grow ka Height Increaser', Unless you are one of those late-night TV channel surfers who are waiting for movies like 'Kamini ki Jawani' or 'Hot Summer Nights' to be played on the local cablewallah's channel. For the uninitiated, Hi-Grow ka height Increaser is a product which, as incessantly advertised on many channels after midnight, helps increases your height, helps you in your career, and also in your marital life. Exciting!!! isn't it???. I just wet my pants thinking about it.

The AD begins with a girl who looks like a bar-dancer wearing an Air-hostess uniform.

"Mein ek air-hostess banna chahti thi...lekin mere height ke wajah se mujhe reject kar diya gaya. But, thanks to Hi-Grow ka height increaser ab mein apna sapna pura kar sakti hoon"(wide ear-to-ear smile by the bar dancer-turned-airhostess and a video of an airplane taking off in the background)

Chorus of female voices crooning "Hi-grow ka height increaserrrrrrrrr"

Cut to a man in an army uniform who looks like the tapori you always see sitting at the 'chai ki tapri' near your home and leering at girls.
"Mere pitaji army mein 'kernel' hain...aur mera bhai bhi army mein hai...sirf mujhe reject kar diya gaya...mere height ki wajah se...but thanks to Hi-Grow ka height increaser ab mein mere pitaji aur bhai ka sapna pura kar raha hoon"

(By this time, I am so hooked on to the AD that I forget about 'Kamini ki Jawani' and 'Hot summer nights' and keep staring at the TV like a zombie.)

And for the skeptical viewers...out comes a 'dactarr' who tries to explain the whole concept with the help of some impressing terminology like 'farrmulaa' and 'harrrmones'. He tries to convince you that increasing your height is actually possible and 'Hi-grow ka height increaser' is not an attempt at conning the unsuspecting viewer, which it actually is.

By now, I am already planning on things I can do when I become 6 feet tall. I could pluck fruits from tall trees like giraffes...hold the handrail on top in the local trains...not have to have armpits, which smell like a skunk's ass, thrust into my face at rush hours in the trains....the possibilities are endless. At the same time, I am also wondering what would happen to people who are already over 6 feet high, when they start using 'Hi-grow ka height increaser'?. Would they turn into genetically modified monsters??(e.g. Dara Singh and Arnold Schwazzeneger)

And with these deep and intriguing thoughts I move on to the next channel where I come across another AD of a brilliant product(Wow!!!...it's my lucky day ... er... night).

'WHITE ROSE ENERGY CAPSULES---sukhi vivahit jeevan ke liye'.

Viewers should not confuse this product with any other energy product like glocose or Dabur Chawanprash. This capsule gives you energy for a very different kind of activity. My friend Venugopal had, in his childhood, once chanced upon a box of similar capsules in his father's closet, and when told that it was for strength and energy, had insisted on having one everyday before going out to play with his friends. For many years he did not find out what the capsule was for until he grew up to the age when he started reading magazines like 'Foxy Lady'(with 4 page colour poster).

Anyways, the AD shows a middle-aged couple, in bed, each sleeping in their respective corners and their backs to each other. Now as you contemplate this sorry picture, a lightning kinda thing flashes between them indicating the divide between the married couple (How imaginative!!). As you start feeling sorry fo the couple onscreen, a pack of 'White rose energy capsules' zooms onto the screen and goes and drops between the couple. The couple, then, wake up and turn towards each other. They have dreamy expressions in their eyes like Venugopal when he used to read 'Foxy Lady'. They come closer. And...when you think you are going to see something, which you generally see in movies like 'Kamini ki Jawani', the screen fills with two roses
(white..of course...brand consistency...u know) moving to and fro from each other, as seen in hundreds of Rajesh Khanna movies. And all this because of 'White rose energy capsule'. Isn't it cool? Isn't it exciting??? I just wet my pants thinking about it (for the second time)

Ok...think I have written enough for today. If you have seen a brilliant AD like the ones I have written about (you lucky bastard) please let me know. Leave a comment about it. In the meanwhile I will get back to watching 'Kamini ki Jawani' and 'Hot summer nights'.

Bye :-)